Why Are We So Mean To Each Other?

An unfortunate thing has happened as we have all gotten freer access to the Internet, to social networking, and have the ability to immediately comment on anything we read or see.  People who might have never been able to voice things out loud now have the ability to comment quickly on anything they read or see or hear.

I am here to say that just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

This week, I've seen no less than two videos posted to my facebook feed that show fat people dancing or working out.  The purpose of the postings was to snark at the fat person doing the dancing.  And I resent that, very much. As a fat person who works out, who rides a bike and dances her butt off at Zumba twice a week, I resent the implication that what I'm doing is "funny" or joke-worthy. 

I also greatly resent the idea that you think you have any right to comment at all on what I'm doing.

I ran into my Zumba teacher at the coffee shop today.  She is such an awesome woman.  She lost 80 pounds and has more energy than a 5 year old in a candy shop.  She never fails to make me feel good about what I'm doing, even when I feel like I'm flailing and not getting anywhere.  She tells me all the time I am so inspiring, that I encourage people.  I don't intend to do any such thing, but it's nice to hear it, especially after seeing the mean comments that seem to be poured on to videos posted of fat persons exercising.  People like me have avoided gyms and workout classes for many years because we know that there will be people staring at us, mocking us, and making snide comments to their friends when we aren't within hearing distance.  We know this because some people don't have an inside voice, and because we have seen the comments people make on videos or pictures they may have seen on the Internet.  Here we are, trying to get in shape, even possibly trying to lose some weight, and we are chided and ridiculed.  Who would even try after that?

It took me many years to get to a place of true acceptance.  I have said for years, since I was 25 years old or so, that I accept that I'm a fat girl.  And I think I was fairly accepting of myself, but never 100% there.  I gave it a lot of lip service, kind of in the manner of "if you say it enough, you will believe it."  Now that I'm in my 50's, I think I have truly reached that full acceptance.  I flail my way through Zumba in a class situation with others, where I am by far the biggest one there, and probably the least able of them all.  I put my fat butt, which is definitely wider than a standard chair, on the seat of a real, honest-to-goodness bicycle, and ride ten miles at a time, two or three times a week.  When I pass joggers or walkers or other bikers on the path, I don't wonder if they are looking at my butt and thinking that I shouldn't be flaunting my fat in public like that.  I assume that jogger is saying "Hey, I'd tap that." 

You see, it's because I'm not exercising for them.  I'm not riding my bike for my husband, my coworkers, my friends, or the anonymous (very cute) guy on the roller blades who passes me going the other way.  I'm not flailing away at Zumba to impress the other girls in the class, or to wow my awesome Zumba teacher.  I'm doing it for ME.  For the unhealthy me, who deserves to have my later years contain less pain and less loss of mobility.  For me, who deserves to have low cholesterol, no sign of diabetes, and blood pressure that is right where it should be.  For me, because I shouldn't have to look at stairs as the enemy.  For ME.  It's all about me.  And I know that I am in better shape physically than plenty of other people who never get off the danged couch, even though they may be half my size, or a third my size.  Size isn't the only determiner of health, if it is a determiner at all.

What bothers me about those who shame fat people who exercise, even if they do it quietly and out of my earshot, is that they kept those younger versions of me from being active, from making the effort and getting into shape.  When I see a fat girl dance, I have nothing but admiration.  There's a woman who knows that what is important to HER is all that matters.  When I see a fat guy on a bike, I'm like, "you go, dude."  When someone meets me on my bike path and smiles at me, I smile back.  I want them to know I appreciate their support.  A smile is a support.  A smile says "hey, I think you're great, and keep up the good work."

And that, ultimately, is how we should be treating each other.  Regardless of our level of fitness, regardless of our body size or shape, if we are working out, then we are doing the right thing.  We should be supporting each other, not trying to bring each other down.

Back At It

I managed to get two bike rides in this week.  The weather is finally moderating, giving us some spring-like temps.  This had been a long, cold winter.

Thursday promised to be near 70 degrees, so I took off from work.  We are in the process of finding a new rental house, too, so I did things related to that, too.  At the warmest point in the afternoon I, I put the bike rack back on my car and loaded up the Trek, and away I went.

I drove to Golden Ponds, which reopened a couple weeks ago after some flood repairs were complete.  This area links to the Lykins Gulch area, which would give me somewhat of a trail to ride.  It's not the whole Greenway, or even the full run of the Greenway that I usually ride, but from the Ponds to the airport, then east to Rogers Grove, around Fairgrounds Lake, and back to the Ponds gave me 6.5 miles.  Considering I've not done a full 10 miles since last September, I'll take it.  Where there was gravel, there was mud, and where there was pavement, there was still a lot of mud.  As the trail runs mostly along the river, and the river overflowed its banks and cut itself a completely new path, there was bound to be mud.

There is also great destruction.  The river bed is scoured out, down to the rock and gravel, and many trees are marked for removal or already removed.  One particular spot near Rogers Grove, where the river made a lazy turn and there was a wonderful little sandy beach where kids and dogs would play in the water, is now nothing but overturned trees and the river completely rerouted.  If I had not known where that spot was, I wouldn't have been able to recognize it from its new look.  The river itself has become more of a slough - shallow, spread out into multiple small channels.  How it will ever look like a river again, I don't know.  Rather heartbreaking to see.  All that wonderful scenery is gone, changed forever.

But this part of the trail is intact, thankfully, even the underpass at Hover Road.  That, at least, made it feel more normal.  Thursday I rode in 60-degree temps with cloudy skies, but no wind.  Today I rode in 75 degree temps, clear sky, and a brisk wind.  I am so out of shape, but I pushed myself through the wind, grunting all the way.  It felt good to be on my bike again.  It felt good to be doing what I love, even if it is in a shortened space. 

Our city people promise the entire Greenway will be repaired within the next two years.  As parts are repaired, more will be opened.  But seeing what I saw on my rides this week tells me that there is an overwhelming amount to be done.  One pedestrian/bike bridge I encountered was still grounded on the far side, but on the near side it is just hanging there, yards from the concrete it should have been touching.  Entire portions of the Greenway have been overrun and completely destroyed.  You can't even see where it used to be.  Repairs are going to be a daunting task.

But even so, I'll take it.  I have missed it, and the bike rides this week have made me feel a whole lot better.  Sore, but definitely better.

Long Time No Bike

Well, since the floods in September, my biking has been hit or miss, mostly miss.  Not having a decent place to bike with the Greenway now out of commission, it has been hard for me to get motivated to ride.  Then there was winter, which this year has been colder and snowier than my previous two winters here in Colorado.  For much of December and February, we had snow on the ground and temperatures below zero.  There were a few nice weekends in January, but we are in a windy cycle that won't quit.  And me riding in the wind is just not going to happen.  I'm not aerodynamic enough for that.

That doesn't mean I've been sitting on my butt and doing nothing.  It just means I haven't been on my bike.  I am taking a Zumba class two days a week.  If you don't know what Zumba is it's this generation's aerobics.  Basically, we dance for an hour.  I can't say that I enjoy it.  There is an awful lot of jumping, especially on one leg or the other, and with my knee and ankle problems, that is just not something I can do.  I end up modifying quite a bit of what I do in the class.  I don't balance on the right leg, ever, and never jump.  I also don't run around.  If I can't do it in place I don't do it at all.  I am not getting the kind of exercise as the others in the class, but I walk out of there sweaty and sore, so I know I'm doing myself some good.  But I don't like to do it.  I'd rather be on my bike.

I also started a Tai Chi class.  That is not for the exercise, but for the increase in my ability to balance and keep myself from falling.  Had I had better balance when I was walking in the snow last year, I might not have fallen, or if I did, might not have hurt myself so bad.  After two weeks of class I'm not sure I'll take another one.  I'll finish this one, since I paid for it.  And I might practice some of what I learn in the class. But overall, I'm not happy with it.  I leaves my knees in pain and the day after last week's class I limped around my office like an old woman.  My right knee was furious with me and my right ankle seemed to be trying to detach itself and run away.  No, I'm not "doing it wrong."  Tai Chi just has the same limitations for me as much of the Zumba class does - I cannot balance my weight on one leg or the other.  Tai Chi requires that you are either 0% on one leg and 100% on the other, or 30% and 70%.  Either way, it is requiring me to balance much of my weight on the bad leg at least half the time.  The leg, and I, soundly protest.  I'd rather be on my bike.

Speaking of biking...I did get on my bike twice in the last week.  It wasn't much, but I hadn't been on it in nearly three months.  Monday, on President's Day, my daughter and I rode around town doing a little shopping.  We biked six blocks to Hancock Fabrics, then another six blocks to the thrift store, then to the bulk store where we got snacks, then back home.  And yesterday I biked again to Hancock's to pick up a few things for a baby quilt I'm making for a shower this week.  So there was some riding.  Easy riding, for sure, but riding nonetheless.  As I suffer through the knee pain of Zumba and Tai Chi, I long for my bike and for the well-being it gave me.

Soon, spring will be here.  We are starting to have more warmer days than cold, although the wind does continue to be a problem.  But soon enough, I'll be back to biking every weekend, and working in my garden three days a week, and my knees will stop complaining.  That will be nice.

Altering My Course

It has been a rough week for me.  I feel completely stupid and selfish for being concerned about my bike path when there are so many other pressing issues, but old habits die hard, too, and thinking I could not bike (and not getting to bike last weekend) really wore on me.  I've been watching the river recede, and everywhere I drive I'm trying to get a good look at the greenway that I can see.  It looks like any paved path that was parallel to the river, for the most part, survived mostly intact.  There are a few exceptions - at one place (Sunset Street) the river raged through a very narrow channel and took out the bridge, and most of the concrete.  In later pictures, the concrete is stacked up like plates 50 or so yards downstream.  Anywhere that the bike path bisected the river was completely obliterated.  The river made its own channels and paths downstream, and there are large pieces missing.  I hold out hope that repairs will not require a complete overhaul of the greenway, just repairing the sections that are damaged and replacing what is missing.  Still, I think it will be next summer before the path is back to what riders, walkers, and joggers need it to be.  I will miss seeing fall on the greenway, something I saw in great detail last fall.

So this week, I had to find somewhere else to bike.  McIntosh Lake, to the north of town, seemed like it might be a decent subsitute.  It is partially paved (about a third of it) with the rest being fine gravel.  It is a 3.5 mile ride if I do the whole circuit, about a third of what I was doing on the destroyed greenway.  The problem with a gravel route is that it is very hard on my bike, and hard also on my back side and my lower back.  I have a street bike, and that bumpy gravel path rattles and shakes my bike like nobody's business.  As sturdy as it is, this can't be good for it.  And three times around the same loop was -- shall I say it -- boring.  The other problem with this route is that it is much narrower than the greenway.  The greenway is 8-10 feet wide, the McIntosh lake route is about 5 feet wide.  There are a lot of walkers (with and without dogs) on it, and getting around them on a narrow path is dangerous for all of us.  I'm a little leery of doing this every weekend until the greenway is back in business.

So I am looking at alternatives.  There is a bike route near Garden Acres Park, which would add several blocks (and maybe 2.5 miles) to the route around McIntosh Lake.  If I started there, went around the lake, and then back to the park, it would be 6 miles.  If I did that twice, it would be 12 miles.  Upping my mileage is not a problem, as I was starting to feel the greenway was too easy at 10.5 miles.  So there is that.  I'm still looking for other ways to stay on a paved surface, but not on city streets or highways.  We'll see what I come up with.  For now, this will have to do.  I do need to start earlier in the morning, to avoid as much foot traffic as possible on the new route.  I've been getting lazy and getting out at 8 a.m. instead of 7.

In other news, my daughter and I started Zumba classes at FitChicks.  Zumba is this generation's Aerobics.  I had fun, and it was a decent workout, but I was so consumed by trying to figure out the moves that I didn't get as great a workout as I wished I did.  The classes are on Mondays and Wednesday nights, and we will keep doing them as long as we can stand it.  The Zumba plus two bike rides a week should help keep me losing weight and getting in better shape.  I cannot do any of the jumping with my compromised ankle, but I can still keep moving.  It may help me get through the long cold winter, too.  I still may join a gym too.  There will be days I won't be able to bike because of winter weather or just sheer cold.  I need to be prepared for that.

A shot of the bike path where it goes under Martin Street.  As you can see, it appears to be intact, just covered in mud and debris.

 

You Can't Get There From Here

We have just lived through a 500-year flood in my town.  Much of the Front Range of the Rockies has been impacted by devastating flash floods from four days of rain that started at the Continental Divide and ended at our town.  9 inches of rain have caused the two major waterways in our town - St. Vrain River and Lefthand creek - to overflow.

The bike path I rode every weekend is now mostly destroyed.  Much of it is still under water, but what I can see of it is not passable.  I do not know where I will ride in the near future, as it will be a year or more before this trail is once again open.  It needs major rebuilding and repair, or maybe even re-routing, before it can be used again.

I do start Zumba classes this week, through FitChick Express in our town.  I don't know if it will be enough to make up for the lack of biking.  I cannot bike on streets or county roads, as they are too dangerous for bikers.  Most other bike paths have been devastated by the flooding, even in other towns.  I feel selfish and foolish being so upset about losing my bike path, when there are so many other bigger issues right now in my town, and in towns nearby.  Major infrastructure repairs will be needed just to make county roads passable. 

I wrote a big blog post about it at my other blog.  Feel free to check it out for more details and pictures.  I'm posting a picture below of what is left of some of the bike path.  The bridge looks to be intact, but the pavement and embankment on the other side, where they connected, is gone.  You can see where the pavement is still there.  That's where I would ride...across that bridge then up that pathway and on to the Airport.  There are at least three other bridges I crossed on those rides, and if I went east, towards Sandstone Ranch, there were a couple bridges there too.  I'm assuming much of the pavement is washed out, or the earth beneath them so degraded that they will need major repairs.  In some places of my path, I was riding ride alongside the river, only a foot or so higher than the river.  The river rose more than 15 feet, obliterating everything.  Scary.

I'll keep you posted.

Time for an Upgrade?

The other day, one of my student staff had a crash on his Trek bike.  He was tooling across campus on an errand for me, and was summarily run down by another student.  His front wheel looked like an accordion.  So I loaded his bike up on my bike rack and took it and him to the local Trek store, so they could put on a new wheel and tire, and check to be sure his frame wasn't bent.

While I waited for him to get finished so I could take him home, I wandered around the bike shop looking at all the awesome Trek bikes.  I adore my bike, and am very happy with the brand.  The last month or so, it has occurred to me that I may be needing an upgrade by spring. You see, I am running out of gears.  I max out at about 16 mph in 7th gear on my current Trek, the Women's Navigator 1.0.  I rarely go below 5th gear anymore, and never below 4th.  There are times when I'm cruising along that I really wish I had another two, three, or four gears to move into. 

There were plenty of pretty Trek bikes in the shop.  I touched tires and handlebars and looked at the myriad of colors.  The only thing that is stopping me right now is the price tag of a new Trek.

So after my ride yesterday, I took my Trek to the local Bike n' Hike, where my Trek was purchased.  They put air in the tires for me, and I talked to them about a tune-up.  I've had the bike for almost a year, and it's about time for it to have one.  Since I ride in wet and dry conditions, sometimes on pavement and sometimes not, a yearly tune-up is a necessity.  It is starting to make a little noise, where before it had been a virtually silent ride.  I scheduled a tune-up for the end of the month.

Then I asked the guy, the same one that sold me the Trek in the first place, about an upgrade.  I told him I was running out of gears.  He laughed.  The next step up has 27 gears, but it was ugly.  I can't have an ugly bike!  But that's what I need, more gears.  He said I could get more speed with smaller wheels and tires, but I don't want a skinny bike.  And I don't necessarily need additional speed, I just need better push to get to the speed I want.  And that will only come with more gears.

So perhaps I will save for an upgrade in the spring.  We'll see what the new models look like.  Because no matter what, I won't be on an ugly bike!

I wrote a blog post about my weight/size loss over on my other blog.  You might want to check it out!

Momilies Blog

Falling Down

Sorry about the lack of a post last week.  I had family in town and we spent Sunday in the mountains, and I just didn't have the energy at bed time to try to put out a post.  I also only got one bike ride in, so I didn't have a lot to say.  This weekend is much less busy, and includes an extra Monday because of the Labor Day holiday, so I am chillaxing at the local coffee shop for the afternoon. 

There's a phrase I use pretty often, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall."  I know the phrase means something else, but to me, it means because I'm big, and because I'm tall, when I fall, I fall hard. And I fall quite a bit, and always have.  I blame it on my big feet, my lack of a decent sense of balance, but mostly, because I'm big.  There's that whole gravity thing going on.

After lunch yesterday, I rode my bike to downtown, about 9 blocks or so, to drop off some knitted dollies my mother had made to the Yarn Store.  On Thursday nights, a small group gets together and knits dollies for kids in oncology wards, and while my mom was in town, she went to help.  She didn't finish her projects, so she took them with her, and when she finished them, she mailed them to me.  So I rode down to drop them off, and stop at the Bulk Store to pick up some Basmati Rice, which I can't seem to find anywhere else.  It is actually quicker to bike downtown than it is to drive and find a parking place, so it is really a no-brainer when I just need to make a quick trip downtown.  On these short trips, I sometimes wear my helmet and sometimes not.  I know, bad girl.

And I was reminded on the way back how important it is for me to wear my helmet.  Every single time.  I had to stop at a stop sign and wait for cross traffic, and ended up being a bit too close to the curb on my left.  When I tried to move my foot over to get better balance, I and my bike fell over.  No, I wasn't hurt, I'm pretty well padded, but there was quite a bit of traffic and therefore witnesses.  And after I got up and dusted myself off and got back on the bike, I realized I should really be wearing my helmet.  You just never really know, and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

So today, as I rode to the cafe about seven blocks from the house, you can bet I was wearing my helmet.